What the F***!

It is just about the final week of classes this semester. I had every intention of finishing up some of my projects today. I haven’t. It is now half past 10 in the evening and I spent all day doing Windsor Pilates, watching TV, watching my Dune DVD, and playing a computer game called Cubis. The funny thing about this is that the projects I have to complete are really not that difficult. I just don’t WANT to. This happens to me at the end of every semester. Am I lazy, or does this procrastination thing hit everyone?

My ex fiancé called me today. I am writing a Web page for his band. I need pictures; he’s trying to schedule the band to meet at the rehearsal space tomorrow for me to take pictures of them all. I forgot today was my ex fiance’s birthday. Wow. I felt like a bitch.

HOWEVER, he is no longer my “love muffin,” which, though in itself is not a reason to forget a birthday, it is reason for me to take on the attitude I did as the phone conversation progressed. He and I aren’t together anymore because I was not important to him. He would make time for his band, for his Mommy, for school, for his ex wife… yes, you heard me right… the ex wife that actually did him wrong... but not for me. He would even re arrange the plans he had with me so that he could go and fix the wiring (he is an electrician) on his ex wife’s friend’s house. The clencher for me happened last week.

Yeah, we're broken up but we were still "friends," if you know what I mean. We had talked on the phone and decided to do dinner together one night. Well, that night came and he told me that it was too late to call Mommy and change his regularly scheduled dinner plans with her so he could go out with me -- so no, he wouldn’t make it for dinner with me. I realize that is generally a nice courtesy to do, never cancel a dinner at the last minute... BUT he lives in a duplex with his Mommy that he bought about a week after I moved out of the condo we shared. He could have told his mother he wasn’t going to make it for dinner after he had made arrangements with me (which was the day before) OR he could call he up now and tell her to please put his dinner in the fridge. But no. It was OKAY to cancel a dinner plan with ME at the last minute.

Grrrr.

Come to think of it, he never extended that courtesy with me. He’d make plans with me and change them at the last minute all the time. THAT pissed me off. He’s NOW going to become the considerate man when he lives with Mommy? So I wasn’t worth the same courtesy?

Anyway, back to today... Feeling bad about forgetting his birthday, I figured I would offer to take him out for dinner. I asked if he had plans for the night. Nervously (am I really that intimidating?) he said yes. I suddenly pictured who his plans were with. “Well, have a great birthday with Mommy and your now pregnant ex wife.” He said thanks. I was pissed. Then I was pissed that I was pissed. What do I care if he is almost 40 years old and lives with Mommy (well, essentially; they share a duplex, but she cooks all his meals – that is another story). I had to remind myself that he is my ex for a reason. And thank God I found that out he was a self-centered prick before I married him.

Incidentally, between his moving into the duplex and moving out of our condo, my ex fiancé moved in with his ex wife and her new husband. He had been living with her and her then-boyfriend (different guy) when we started dating. Hello – shoulda been a clue. Oddly enough his mother used to down-talk her when I was engaged to her son. Now she chats with her all the time. I am sure that now they exchange recipes or some such.

So now I am writing in my blog that no one reads anyway instead of doing my homework. Guess I should get started. Though it’d be nice to have a bubble bath… I feel better now that I wrote down my frustrations. After reading what I have written in this blog I am beginning to think that I’ve been attracted to the wrong kind of men. We shall see.